SHEEP:
A place for notes, to play around,
to find a thread, a conversation,
and a mixtape

Playlist Link



8-12-20

          

I think of this mural often.
It’s on Washinton Ave. (link)
A little bridge over Franklin Ave. Shuttle Subway Line.
A daily landscape that is the first thought that comes to mind.

Whenever I walk to work I tend to always want to pass by it.
Shape my path just to catch a glimpse of the scenery.
A mural personified in away.

Walking is time for yourself.
In a sort of a bubble world.
In your head and not at the same time.
Wandering the pavement.
Wandering the gray matter.
And stopping at the mountainside.


Song 1: The Missing Road by Radical Face 


8-12-20




It’s funny things you find on your computer desktop.
You eventually get to that moment,
where you finally decide the ok time to clean this.

Then maybe it all sits.
You just make a new folder
and dump everything in there
for another day.

Then you revisit that folder
and see the threads between all the materials
you’ve saved.

Song 2: Fireworks by First Aid Kit 


8-13-20



Three from the month of May.
I have a note on my phone where I keep potential titles.
One is called “six days in May”.
These were not all taken in six days,
but the title came back to me as I was making this post.

As an aside, the song included below has been one of my favorites for the longest time.
Before going to CM (my high school) in the morning I’d always watch music videos. 
Whether it was on MTV, MTV2, VH1, and MTV Hits. The latter one I think is gone which I discovered while I was in Massachusetts during Quarantine. That’s a story for another time as its replacement channel showed me a new favorite song.

Song 3: Happy Idiot by Tv On The Radio




8-14-20


The fence a photo from while I was home.
The Sheep and Boy something I’ve had pinned
up in my office for a while.

It’s been on my mind lately as something to
use in a larger work.

My friend Kate drew this sheep.
I found the boy in a book and scanned him.
He’s this sort of imagery I have a weakness for.
How do these images mix?
I think of it as shadows of one another.
Something there though maybe? 

Song 4: Everyday is Like Sunday by Morrissey




8-15-20




Not much to say.

Wrote something here, but it disappeared before pressing save.
That sucks. Though my spell check in Gmail saved me.
So here it is.

These photos are both things I revisited during this weird time we are all experiencing.

I’m grateful for that time.
I don’t think I would understand as much about my self without it.
Though also I wish I spent it more wisely that is my biggest regret.

I enjoyed the comfort of my “home” where I grew up too much
like how I always do when I am in Massachusetts
and should've headed back to the city sooner.

Home is where the heart is even if you are separated.


Song 5: I Won’t Hold You Back by Toto




8-16-20


My name is one of the most common names.
Or to better say most common names in a
western/euro-centric culture. 

There’s also just many uses of John like John Doe.
A term commonly used for when the true name of
someone is unknown. There is also Dear John Letters
which were letters written to soldiers during ww2.

In high school, there were so many Johns
that I went by my last name. College came
and I became John again.

I’m the only one in my family whose name
gets longer for a nickname rather than shorter.
Johnny, JohnO, JohnBoy
Various names my family calls me.
I’m not a Jonathan though. Never.

I’m named after my grandfather who I never
met he was long dead by the time I was born.

He was often called Jack instead of John.
My Brothers joke to me whenever we visit the
Cemetary in Ireland is it weird to see your name.

My name on the headstone they mean.
John O’Toole. 

I guess.
Though it’s also different. 
He’s not me and I’m not him.


Song 6: Under The Pressure by The War on Drugs



8-17-20


I like cartoons.
Always have. A bit of an escape they offer.
Classic and contemporary either or suit me.

Infinity Train

It is a great story and show.
It truly is about moving on.
On how to deal with your emotions
What you have buried deep down
from yourself present and past .

The third season came out this past week.
So I decided to dive back into the first and
second seasons. Each episode is really no
longer than 10-12 minutes though even
that amount it hits.

Whether it’s something that really
hits a chord with yourself or something
funny that a character does of which
there are many.

One One, in particular, is a character
that could always make me laugh.

Song 7: Something To Remember Me By by the The Horrors





8-20-20



A few poems from my iPhone the main place where I write.

I refer to these often as “some words”

They vary in length.
Often are similar to notes and passing thoughts.
Though that is why I like them and is the main way I tend to write.



Song 8: Faithless by Flyte




8-20-20




Two posts today. 
Two from the beginning and end of my walk home today.
It was a really lovely cool air and sunlit sojourn.

Walking and Looking.
Looking and Walking.

Chasing light and not at the same time.
Just there for a moment. Before the sun slips away. 


Song 9: Fall, Fall, Fall by Caamp



8-22-20

Clouds.

I enjoy them.

It’s often this time of year. Summer.

Where I tend to look at them even more.

Maybe it’s the outside breaks I take at work.

Or the time I spent at Ithaca during grad school that made me
appreciate laying on the ground and looking up. That’s life ain’t it.

Looking up,
but not having your head stuck
or even getting unstuck.

I'm between the two.

Song 10: Yes I’m Changing by Tame Impala




8-23-20


There was a day in July I was alone in the house I grew up in. One of the only days I was during that time I spent there. My aunt Tricia dropped off her dog Seamus to spend the day. One of the kindest dogs though different from how my dear canine friend Cody was.

Seamus just sort of followed me around most of the day. I was in a mood for other reasons. We played catch for a while and were in the room which is what we refer our living/tv room as to why
I don’t remember.

I was sitting on the couch and just couldn’t decide what to have on the tv. Seamus was sitting at my feet. I ended up just going to one of the MTV channels. They were playing a concert from the Isle of Wight in 2017. A place I’d love to go to. And maybe to travel back to that time too.

So that played while me Seamus came in and out of the house. Came back in and an artist named Rag and Bone Man came on. It’s a song I’ve read that he prefers the live version over a recorded version or at least likes an acoustic recording. Never heard of him but the song and the way his emotions were coming through his voice just really hit my heart. Not much has hit me that hard as maybe Galway shawl or I’m so blue.

I was sitting on the couch as I watched this and Seamus came and put his paw on my knee.

An emphatic dog and television.


Song 11:  Lonely World by The Vaccines 




8-24-20



Besides Sheep I’ve been making a lot of playlist as of late.
My Spotify knows my tastes and my mind way too well.

I always like making playlists.
I burned CDs back in the day.
I carried around several albums on the bus like:

Futures by Jimmy Eat World
Ten by Pearl Jam

Are two that come to mind.

Here are the titles of playlists I’ve made lately.
A poem of sorts:

Massachusetts/Boston/Home
Unfinished Sales
Candy Radio
new york new york
mist of the day
Every Time
All that I’ve Got
Cowboy
inescapable #
the sun everyday
that was
Sound
Klopfgeist
River
Twice As Hard
landslides
Shape
well and a well
Come My Way
Weirdo
Harvest Moons
the gardens
clover
For
i’ll be Blue
Stand
Say
turning turns
( )
home
grocery stores
New York 7/5/20
Delta
Waiting For Tomorrow
Rilo
gone in a chance
my mistake
The town I Loved
sad Snowglobe

Song 12: Back in the Tall Grass by Future Islands





8-26-20



Found these two tickets in my office today.
They happened to be from the last two flights
I had from Boston to JFK.

One in late January from when I stopped off in
Boston after being in Ireland for a few days.

One in Early March when I went home for my Brother
Brian and his fiance Michelle’s engagement party. 

Took Amtrak there and flew back.
I ended up starting to read and surprisingly finishing:
The Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit
on that one trip. It’s a book I really cherish now.

I miss flying.
Haven’t flown since that March trip.
Could’ve flown some other times.
During this uncertain time.
Should've flown those times. 

When I left NYC for Massachusetts during the
start of COVID on St. Patrick’s Day and
Tom Hanks was diagnosed.
My mother and Michelle came and got me.
When I came back to NYC in July.
My mother and Brian brought me.

Good old seat 21A I’ll see you again.

Song 13: Ada by The National




8-27-20


I’m not a big sticky note fan. So somewhere along the line notecards became my main tool for notes and lists.
I tend to save them sometimes too.
I am a sentimental fool for mementos.

Song 14: Always by blink-182








8-28-20




Qwerberg

A word in a dream I had.
Something was renamed.
I don’t entirely remember what it was.
Maybe it was a different word and
it got muddled along the line from
unconscious to the subconscious.

Song 15: Sleeping Lessons by The Shins




8-29-20



Shot this at some point in Massachusetts in March.
A new project I’m chasing. More here and self related.
I find it funny an image of mine is in the top right. 

These are just mementos my father
has hung in his garage at some point
they both functioned as calendars.
Guess that is where I get it from.




Song 16: NYC by Interpol





8-29-20


The end and start. That is what March 2020 was.

Song 17: Dawn Chorus by Thom Yorke 










8-30-20



So it goes and you wait and wonder how it will all fold out.
Can you wait till you find the one that makes you stop.
Will lighting strike when it is time or will it just continue.
You gotta give it all a chance and see how it plays out.


Song 18: Weightlifters by Car Seat Headrest





9-01-20





9-02-20



I tend to take screenshots a lot. On my phone or laptop.
I recently put them all in a folder called various images.
This one, in particular, is from 2 years ago.
2018-09-07 at 8:08:02pm
So says the file name.
Digital memento I guess.
I also remember I saved this I think it was a horoscope
mainly because they mentioned Gertrude Stein.

Song 20:  Memory by Sugarcult








9-03-20



I’ve been trying to scan old images again.
Ones from before I got all this photography knowledge
from college and grad school dumped into my brain.

Trying to untether and follow the thread
of this idea that I am chasing for this
other sort of collection of images.
Something new. 


Song 21: Crawling by Linkin Park (from One More Night Live)



9-03-20


A day outside.

Photosynthesizing.

Catching up. Reading a book.

Enjoying the clouds, people watching,

and the coming of fall.


Song 22: Strange Currencies by R.E.M.



9-05-20


A place where I have laid in the sun, paced endlessly,
and thought through many different moments in my life.
Likely my next favorite place at work besides my office.

It is a special spot that many who have come here enjoy.
I’ll often end up there when I am on the phone and will
just walk across and down as I talk and listen to 
whoever is on the other end of the call. 

Spoke with my Godfather there today.
It was good and some sound advice I needed. 

Song 23: Seventeen by Sharon Van Etten




9-05-20



I want to be in the clouds.
Need to be at altitude again.
It has been too long.
This time last year I was
flying at least once or twice a week.

Take me back to another time.
Saying that even though I know
that it is not possible.
A guy can wish, right?
That’s what 11:11 is for.

I fasten my seat belt.
My tray table is up.
My seat is not reclined.
The plane is in the taxi line.
Waiting for the chance to take off.

Song 24: December (again) by Neck Deep ft. Mark Hoppus





9-06-20




Is there something beyond the line?
Or will the line always be there?
Where does it lie?

Can the middle be where it is all sorted?
Or is it just not worth it even if it was time
that won't be forgotten and is cherished.  

Now just a reach of an olive branch and
holding back the feelings from before. 
That is all that can be done. 

Who knows when or
even if the branch will reach.


Song 25: Tidal Wave by Husky




9-08-20





9-09-20






9-10-20




9-11-20


Song 29: Runnin by Ohtis




9-11-20





9-12-20




9-13-20


Song 31:  Will He by Joji



9-13-20


Found this GIF while working on a website for work.
I liked it so much I saved it.

It is definitely from some show from my childhood.
No idea what, but the image calls to me.
Pulls me in and makes me think.

Maybe it is cause I want to call someone
and I don't know how or if I even should.


Song 33: Like the Moon by Future Islands




9-13-20


One of my favorite recent films.
Though I do not agree with how circuses treat animals.
This movie though just hits me when it comes to the music
as well as the journeys the characters go through.

Song 34: Rewrite the Stars by Zac Efron and Zendaya




9-14-20




Walking home from work
has been something I’ve truly enjoyed
as of late.

There really is nothing better then watching the light.
My eyes get fixed and I look for it and
think of the moment to capture it.

Light is easier than anything else
to be able to follow and make a record of.


Song 35: More Than by Wintersleep



9-15-20


A new start on some pictures. 
A thing I’ve never really done.
Turning the camera on my self. 

Song 36: Out  of Existence by Roadkill Ghost Choir 


9-15-20


When the fairy tale falls. 
The green grass & 
the deep blue water 
go as well.

Song 37: Everything Now by Arcade Fire 



9-16-20


An old photo that I have always had a fondness for.
Trying it out in a new sequence of photos called
Home Under The Ground

A reference to one of my favorite stories.
Also, a home in a place that  
I use a lot as a reference.
Often when I think about traveling
between NY and Massachusetts.
Something that I’ve been doing since 2007
when I went to college in Syracuse.

Song 38:  As I Wander by Bill Callahan


9-16-20


Found this new singer Bartees Strange. 
I really enojy his music. The Lyrics and
sound are great. 

Song 39: Mustang by Bartees Strange






9-17-20





9-18-20

I got a chance years ago I think in Junior year
to photograph in the old Convent at my elementary school.

Mount Alvernia Academy.
A place where I have many memories
good and maybe some bad
mostly good though.

This maybe is also one of my favorite photos.
Shot on an RZ  when I was still learning.

Still would love a chance to wander around
there again if the opportunity ever came.


Song 42: Ageless Beauty by Stars


9-19-20


When it comes to helping anyone I’ve met in my life
whether we only know each other for a bit or know
each other really well I will always help them or offer
what I can. 

This probably due to my 12 yrs of Catholic School
and learning from the Franciscan Nuns and Christian Brothers.
Maybe something couldn't be offered during our lockdown,
but though I think that reassurance and comfort can still be placed. 

I know I would appreciate that and I know I would want
the opportunity to show the work I’ve made that I couldn’t
at the time. What more can be poured onto this life?

I believe and respect anyone I've encountered "over the years".
This place shows that there are is not just one possibility
to find a way to continually move forward.
A skill that is hard and needed very much.
You always have to have that.
An aim to keep going.

Song 43: Morning to LA by White Lies


9-19-20


9-20-20






9-21-20




9-22-20



9-23-20



9-23-20


9-25-20



Some notes maybe they are poems.
Really they are just bits from what I’ve 
heard and seen as  music or a show is 
in a background. 

Song 51:  Hold  My Hand by Brandy Clark



9-26-20


9-26-20





9-27-20



9-28-20



9-29-20



9-30-20

9-30-20



10-2-20


10-3-20



10-12-20


I’ve been ignoring or maybe avoiding this space.
Trying to get my head right.
I was able to get away this past weekend  
with one of my closest friends it was for a
night, but two days of us just having conversations
that ran the gamut. It helped me resettle.

I’ve been thinking about recent, present, and past
things I’ve done a lot lately and how I could’ve fixed things
or handled them better, Especially what happened as
of late though I’m finally able to let go of that one.
Just as I realized with anything else from the past.
Time helps you learn. Just need to let time help me again.
Learning to let what life can be live.

Song 61: Hands Down by The Greeting Committee




10-14-20




10-20-20




10-20-20



10-25-20










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SHEEP:a mixtape

I’ve been thinking about blogs and Tumblr a lot since March. I had a Blogspot since Freshman year until when I'm not sure. I had Tumblr starting around Sophomore year and stopped posting a few years ago.On advice from my friend Patrice, I decided to make this place. SHEEP.